i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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