Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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