Is it normal to miss your booty call?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
