Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
