i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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