So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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