bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
