fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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