It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
