In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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