and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
