i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
