She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
