God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
