Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
