So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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