6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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