so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
