it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
