WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
