Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
