he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I supernannyed him into submission
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
