It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
