you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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