There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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