oh god the rape fog is back!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
