Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
