i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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