I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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