Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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