Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
