And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
