the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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