Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
