My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
