maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
