he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
