My room smells like vodka and shame
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
