My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize