You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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