my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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