Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
