She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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