I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
