Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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