Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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