I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
