She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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