Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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