When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
