Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
