Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
