im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
