i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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