I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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