the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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