Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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